Late night again

Donathen my love,
I cannot sleep. I play your songs. I close my eyes and listen to you playing your guitar and relish the timbre of your voice, and I soak in your words because they are for me. I let everything else go And the feelings come in a tumble. I toss. I turn. I speak to you out loud. I tell you that I love you. That I miss you. There is something that holds me back from conjuring you, as if I could. I know you are on a journey now, and there is no getting back here, now. I do believe we will be together again. I do believe that with my whole heart. I want it to last longer next time. I want. you. by. my. side. Two peas in a pod. Remember? You are the one on the left. What am I going to do without you? I don't want to forget an inch of you. I don't want to move on. But, I cannot stay here. So, like you, I must move. I must go forward. You must go forward too.
You are my Ricky. I am your Lucy. It is what it is. And that is all there is. Sometimes, I don't know what it is I am feeling. I see you lying there, dead. I see your sweet face, relaxed. I see nothing of you there, except a shell. This is how I can pull the sheet over you after I have closed your eyes. Some people are shocked that they left your eyes open. Why?  I was grateful to be the one to close your eyes, your eyes which held such a burning fire in them just a few hours before, but in death were cloudy and blue. Vacant. The light had gone out of them, so I closed them. Then, I pulled the sheet over you,and covered your whole body, so that no one could see you. I covered the body which once held you inside. And then, I walked away. You were not there. You, everything that is you, had left. I believe in other dimensions. I know you are here, except not in this dimension. This is what is sad, and frustrating. But, time does have a way of weaving itself around again, and I know that although time is now crawling by, in an instant my life will be over too. And it actually is not so long before we are together again, because just yesterday, we were making plans, and living, and laughing, and arguing, and doing all the things that people do in a day,  and now it is just me. And I am writing this blog about my loss of you, and I will turn around, and I too will be somewhere other than here. Oh! I love you. I miss you. Now I must try to go back to bed. The bed where I sleep with your jacket. The bed, where I finally after 30 days of your absence, I changed the pillow cases. Progress.