Donathen my love,
Tomorrow I am going to be a brave girl. Tomorrow I am going to the funeral home in the village and get your ashes. I don't know why I have such trouble about this. I suppose it is shocking to me that what is left of you is 6 pounds. I am sorry that I haven't written. I guess there was nothing new to say. It is the same- a big, empty space that once held you -now exists in my heart. I am tired. I am lonely. I keep going. I can recreate your lips, your hair falling like whispers on my cheeks, your slender fingers and the callouses. I am having trouble recreating your voice in my mind, but I have your voice mail still -to refresh me. I keep paying the bill. Don't want to let go of that yet. I also found some footage with you and me on the beach. How it made me smile! I haven't listened to your songs though. You know how much I love your songs and especially the ones you wrote for me. But, I just couldn't stand the yearning and pain that came up when I heard you sing and strum your guitar. Killing me softly. I can't do it right now.
Each day seems like a forever without you. So, I suppose I do my best not to feed those feelings. I do my best to put you a little to the side. I love you. I don't want you to think that I am forgetting you. I know that you would not want me to suffer more than I am. God! Death doesnt seem so bad, knowing that I will be with you again. But for now, I must live on life's terms. And I hate it. I hate that you are not here. I hate that I miss you so much. I hate that there is no one else in the world who is you. But, I must continue living. There is nothing else to do.
Help me D. not to totally lose it tomorrow when I carry your ashes home.
Tomorrow I am going to be a brave girl. Tomorrow I am going to the funeral home in the village and get your ashes. I don't know why I have such trouble about this. I suppose it is shocking to me that what is left of you is 6 pounds. I am sorry that I haven't written. I guess there was nothing new to say. It is the same- a big, empty space that once held you -now exists in my heart. I am tired. I am lonely. I keep going. I can recreate your lips, your hair falling like whispers on my cheeks, your slender fingers and the callouses. I am having trouble recreating your voice in my mind, but I have your voice mail still -to refresh me. I keep paying the bill. Don't want to let go of that yet. I also found some footage with you and me on the beach. How it made me smile! I haven't listened to your songs though. You know how much I love your songs and especially the ones you wrote for me. But, I just couldn't stand the yearning and pain that came up when I heard you sing and strum your guitar. Killing me softly. I can't do it right now.
Each day seems like a forever without you. So, I suppose I do my best not to feed those feelings. I do my best to put you a little to the side. I love you. I don't want you to think that I am forgetting you. I know that you would not want me to suffer more than I am. God! Death doesnt seem so bad, knowing that I will be with you again. But for now, I must live on life's terms. And I hate it. I hate that you are not here. I hate that I miss you so much. I hate that there is no one else in the world who is you. But, I must continue living. There is nothing else to do.
Help me D. not to totally lose it tomorrow when I carry your ashes home.
