Donathen my love,
There are others who have lost the loves of their lives and I know how they feel.
I know that things will go on, despite death. And this at times is daunting. How can things keep going when you are not here? Why were you taken just when things were beginning to turn around for you? I do not know the answers. But are you gone forever? No. No you are not my love. I have kept your voice on the answering machine. I have saved videos of you and I, and watched them when I thought they would uplift rather than plummet me into an abyss of sorrow. I look at the photographs of you, of you and I smiling, together, arm in arm, and I kiss them. At times, I am still overcome with such grief! It is less shocking to me now. I wear your rings. I bring them to my lips and kiss them too. At times, I still sleep in your shirts. I wear your bandanas. I try to bring you back, even for an instant, and sometimes I can and sometimes,I do and then I run from the mountain of pain that begins to arise. I know that your body is gone. I still have some of your ashes in the closet, nestled in a blue velvet bag. I cannot seem to part with them. You are in my heart forever. No one and nothing can erase you. No one and nothing can ever replace you.I accept that. I honor your life and pray for you every day because I know that you exist. I cannot explain it, but I know. Words are so very limiting. You are limitless.
There are others who have lost the loves of their lives and I know how they feel.
I know that things will go on, despite death. And this at times is daunting. How can things keep going when you are not here? Why were you taken just when things were beginning to turn around for you? I do not know the answers. But are you gone forever? No. No you are not my love. I have kept your voice on the answering machine. I have saved videos of you and I, and watched them when I thought they would uplift rather than plummet me into an abyss of sorrow. I look at the photographs of you, of you and I smiling, together, arm in arm, and I kiss them. At times, I am still overcome with such grief! It is less shocking to me now. I wear your rings. I bring them to my lips and kiss them too. At times, I still sleep in your shirts. I wear your bandanas. I try to bring you back, even for an instant, and sometimes I can and sometimes,I do and then I run from the mountain of pain that begins to arise. I know that your body is gone. I still have some of your ashes in the closet, nestled in a blue velvet bag. I cannot seem to part with them. You are in my heart forever. No one and nothing can erase you. No one and nothing can ever replace you.I accept that. I honor your life and pray for you every day because I know that you exist. I cannot explain it, but I know. Words are so very limiting. You are limitless.
